


Hawaii Five-0 AUs Prompts

by Narkito



Series: It popped in my inbox: Prompts [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-07-19 17:25:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7370899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narkito/pseuds/Narkito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I got a few prompts for Hawaii Five 0 AUs. So every chapter is a different vignette inside a different AU. So far we have: Elected Governor of Hawaii; Middle Earth; X-Files; Informercial //</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One of them gets elected as governor of Hawaii AU

**Author's Note:**

> For [Ilmare Ilse](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilmare_Ilse/pseuds/Ilmare_Ilse), who gave me half a dozen prompts

“I can’t believe this.” Danny throws his hands on the air. “How did this happen?!”

“Actually, that would be: ‘how did this happen, _governor_ ’,” Steve shoots back, slow grin spreading on his face. After a beat he adds, “or _sir_ , I can live with that too.”

“Are you looking forward to being addressed as governor everywhere you go? To using a suit everyday too?”

“I happen to know I look _dashing_ on a good suit.” Steve’s grin spreads wider.

“Oh, you’re looking very smug for a guy who is now in charge of the state’s political affairs, budgets, and pushing of laws –and for the record I said you cleaned up good, I never said dashing, and it was under very different circumstances– now please, enlighten me as to how much you gonna like all those dog-and-pony shows with you in the middle kissing and greeting supporters, patting babies’ heads. How about paperwork? You ready for that? You ready to justify your way through budget cuts and expenses?” Steve’s entire posture falters; his grin tucks up and diminishes from the corners. “But no, go ahead, I’m looking forward to having my own task-force; I’m sure the new governor is amenable to throwing even more resources at it, no matter what public opinion says.”

Steve gives Danny a thin-lipped stare as he rummages through his desk. Danny just rolls his eyes and reaches to the landline and marks speed dial #4.

“Who you calling, Danno?”

Danny waves his hand in a way that clearly means _“shush”_.

“Hey, Lani, how are you?” Steve’s look of bewilderment is funny enough that Danny needs to suppress a snort of laughter. “And the kids? Good, good. Oh, you know, same ol’, same ol’; getting shot at, putting out metaphorical fires, you know, the usual.” There’s a pause and Steve’s entire body tenses as if he were going to speak, but Danny’s index finger comes up and silences him immediately. “Yeah, I heard. Aha. That’s exactly what I’m calling about. May I speak with the lieutenant governor, please? What do ya’think? Calling to see what can be done about this clusterfuck. Sure, I’ll hold.”


	2. Middle Earth AU

“Oh shit.”

 “Oh shit, indeed.”

 Steve and Danny stopped dead on their tracks at the edge of the ridge, they had approached the situation from sea side, opting for higher ground to scout the scene and figure out if the tip was credible, but this, _this_ was ridiculous.

 “So, let me run this by you again, Danno. You got the tip from a tutu outside of HQ?” As he said it, Steve withdrew his weapon without losing sight of the target, and pointed it downrange.

 “If by _tutu_ you mean elderly woman, yeah.” Danny readjusted the straps of his vest and then drew his weapon, resting it against his chest, pointing downrange as well.

 “And _she_ approached _you_?”

 “Yeah.”

 “And then she said --and correct me if I’m wrong-- she said ‘the kid you’re looking for is in Lanikai Beach, mauka side, where the sky touches earth under the shadow.’” Trust Steve to remember things verbatim, the annoying bastard.

 “Yes, _Steven_.”

 “And then she said...”

 Danny waved his own weapon in front of the tableau that had greeted them and with an air of simplicity said, “Here be dragons?”

 “No, no, she said _e akahele_ of the _holoholona_.”

 “Look, I managed the mauka and the tutu, alright? Plus _Chin_ was with me at the time; he figured out what she was trying to say.”

 “But she didn’t say Kupua?” Danny gave him an exasperated look.

 “You keep saying things, Steven, your lips are moving and sounds slip by, but fuck if I know what they mean!”

 Steve's eyebrows rose high-high-high into his forehead. He shifted from foot to foot once and then looked up ahead blinking owlishly, trying to wrap his head around it.

 “Yeah, no; _tricksters_ I can deal with-- _Hell!_ I’ll even take on creepy roosters and night marchers, but fuck this." Steve turned around, holstering his weapon, and pulled his cellphone out of his front pocket, biting into the tip of his left-hand glove's fingers to take it off. "I’m calling backup.” He tap-tap-tapped into the phone furiously.

 “Oh, so _this_ ," Danny pointed behind them over the ridge, " _this_ is what gets you spooked enough for your physical integrity that you actually want to call for backup?" There was no denying the laughter built into the sentence there. "Nice one, my friend. _Not_ driving on the other side of the H1, not jumping into the abyss without looking first, but _this_ \-- you're unbelievable.”

 Sweat started to pool at the back of Steve's back and little pin-prickles of it popped at the fringe of his forehead. He had started tapping randomly into his phone screen. “My phone’s not working, why is my phone not working?”

 “Ah,” Danny pretended to ponder, “maybe because little Smaug there has its tail wrapped around the cellphone tower?” He points behind him, waving his hand around as if to say ‘ _this isn’t news, Steven_ ’. And then he adds, “I’m pretty sure it screws with the reception.”

 Both men turned around to appreciate the quite frankly enormous creature before them; a small child cradled around its neck, much like one would hold a cellphone against a shoulder. The creature huffed in its sleep and a car sized fireball erupted from its nostrils and singed the top off of a couple dozen trees.

 “Yeah, no, still don’t get how the fuck we got dragons in Oahu.”

 "Just be glad it's not leprechauns, Steven."

 "WHAT?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tutu: Affectionate way of calling a grandparent.
> 
> Mauka: Towards the mountain; side facing the mountain.
> 
> E akahele: Be careful.
> 
> Holoholona: Beast, creature.
> 
> Kupua: OK, so, I did like a five minute research for this, so I’m really sorry if I butchered Hawaiian culture in the process, but according to Wikipedia it refers to a group of demigods/heroic tricksters. If I got it wrong, by all means CORRECT ME!
> 
> [Middle Earth is not my forte; for a minute there I was doing a Narnia AU before I caught myself and got my narratives straight(ish)]


	3. The X-Files AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda remember the X-Files having a lot of family drama what with Mulder's sister being taken, and the mum I think pulling a disappearing act as well. I'm fuzzy on the details, so I went with my gut.

Danny sighed and gave Steve a half hug as he slid closer to him on the couch, hooking his chin over his shoulder.

“Steve, buddy,” he all but whispered into his ear, “you have to stop doing this to yourself.” Steve was tense like a wire under his arms, whirring with a mixture of adrenaline and the need to know.

“Danno, I have to keep looking, I have to...” He trailed off staring into the distance past the windows and into the sea. Danny sighed again.

“Steve, please stop this, stop looking, you’re going to get fired. Worse! If your conspiracy theories are true; you could get killed, get us both killed.”

Steve shrugged him off and put elbows to knees, resting his face on his hands. Danny felt unsure as what to do next. He could see his partner was hurting, he could feel the weight of the past twenty years resting on his shoulders; the secrets, the lies, the misdirection, the clear involvement of someone so high up the chain of command, they could spend the next year chasing around their own tails before realising what they were doing. The future seemed fraught with nothing but dead ends. Finding out Steve’s mother hadn’t been killed in a car crash (sorry, car _bomb_ ) only compounded Danny’s rage and Steve’s insecurities towards John McGarrett. He didn’t know how to comfort Steve.

“Steve, babe.” Danny pressed his hand at Steve’s lower back, rubbing circles up into his shoulders and kissing him on the left shoulder. Steve felt hot to the touch, and that only seemed to add misery to the situation before Danny’s eyes.

“I just don’t get it, Danny.” Steve stood up abruptly from the couch and paced in front of the coffee table. “Why? Why would my mother fake her own death, why would my dad send us away, I mean I know that something big had to been going on, but _what_?! The man was so paranoid I can barely follow his train of thought on his reports, let alone in his less than stellar chicken-scratch notes! And what does Mary’s abduction has to do with all of this? I don’t understand anything. All it’s clear to me now is that I don’t have a family and maybe I never did!”

“Jesus, Steven, stop it, stop it for—look, I know, okay, _I goddamn know!_ I understand—well maybe I don’t understand the way you would like me to, but I get it. When my brother went off the rails and I couldn’t find him anywhere… I get it! But, babe, you’re not alone on this, you have me, okay, a hundred percent you have me, and you have Kono, and Chin, and stupid-crazy Jerry and his not-so-stupid theories, alright? You’re not alone, we have a home here, babe, we’ve got Grace to think of as well, alright? And for this to work, you need to stop— just stop.”

“But, Danny! The truth is out there! The reason why I’m like this is _out there_! Not _here_. And I need to know! _I need to know!_ ”

“And we’ll find out, Steve, but not like this, you can’t go out half-cocked it’s dangerous! Screw the aliens; screw anything that isn’t investigative procedure. Steven, your mother couldn’t have pulled this without help. And if she had help, it needed to be big. There’s someone out there, or _a group of someones_ that have answers, but they also have oversight, and a higher ground. We need to do this to the letter and cover all of our bases. So do your thing. Punch a few walls, talk my ear off about how you remember your sister being taken, but Steven, this _doesn’t_ leave our Ohana and you _don’t go_ yelling alien conspiracy to the top brass, not without running it by me first. _Capisce?_ ”

Steve kicked the coffee table and sent all the stuff on it tumbling across the floor. Then it was like someone cut the strings on him, he didn’t so much sit on the couch as he just sagged into it, exhaustion finally catching up to him. A week of running around the island in search of a twenty-year old crumb trail would do that to you. Danny limited himself to merely observe the mess on the floor, noting his own phone had slid under the bookcase. He kept trying to make sense of the situation, for a light-bulb moment so everything would fall into order, but it kept not happening and things kept getting progressively worse, month after month. Steve’s ragged breaths brought him back to the present. Danny turned around and faced Steve, crouching in front of him.

“Danny,” Steve pleaded. “My mum’s alive.”

“Oh, _babe_.”


	4. Film some sort of infomercial

“What are you two doing? Huh? Planning my ultimate demise?” Danny groaned again. “Please turn it off, I can’t watch this anymore.”

Raucous bookends; Steve and Grace giggled at Danny’s sides as a much younger version of him smiled on TV right into the camera, and then dropped a knife. Grace laughed out loud and shot out a hand to grab Danny’s arm; her tummy was starting to hurt from all the laughter.

“How the heck did you even find a working VHS player?  _ Jesus _ .” Steve hooked his right arm over Danny’s neck and pulled him in tight, caressing his temple with his thumb. “Oh, god, Steven, make it stop.”

“You don’t have to watch it if you don’t want to.” He tried to put his hand over Danny’s eyes, but he caught him by the wrist before he could. “But we are having a blast, aren’t we, Gracie?”

“Yup,” was Grace’s succinct reply as she stifled a laugh against her hand.

“ _ And if my assistant is doing this right, _ ” the chef on TV gave Danny a withering look as he fumbled the chopped ingredients and dropped half of them out of the pot. “ _ We should have a fine stew in about twenty minutes.” _

“Why were you so nervous, Danno?” Grace asked at the same time Steve said, “Why were you even doing it in the first place?” Danny on TV tripped into the counter and the chef almost rolled her eyes out of her sockets, returning her eyes to the front camera and dazzling the spectators with a wide smile. Steve could maybe see an inkling of Danny on that smile.

“You look so young,” said Steve to the top of Danny’s head, brushing his hair from his face at the same time.

“Shut up, you putz.” The insult is softened by the fond smile directed at Steve.

“Yeah, dad, you do.” Grace burrowed next to Danny and nudged his arm until he put it over her shoulders and squeezed her close. “Eric wasn’t even sure what year this was from; he just knew it existed. We had grandma running around in circles for a couple of weeks until she found the tape.”

“Of course Eric was involved, of course. You know, Gracie, I love your cousin to death, but don’t ever take a page out of his life book, ever.”

Steve let go of Danny and pushed forward for the remote control, pressing  _ pause _ .

“There, not playing anymore, happy now?”

Danny barely had time to express his gratitude for the reprieve on the psychological torture when Grace –the traitor—said, “This was about a girl, wasn’t it, dad?”

Danny groaned to the heavens and shoved playfully at Steve’s chest. “You see what you do, Steven? Now I have my daughter asking about my love life.”

“I did no such thing!” Steve’s almost indignant reply came at the same time Grace said, “Dad! I was  _ so _ not asking that! Urgh! You’re so  _ embarrassing _ sometimes.” Danny shoved less playfully at Steve for good measure.

“Well, as I’m sure grandma has told you a thousand times, your dad didn’t always lead a well-balanced life, alright. So yes, it was about a girl, and money, because I was broke, and Ma and Pop wouldn’t give me the time of day, because this was after the whole Chevy incident.”

Grace knew very little about the Chevy incident, except it was important and very hush-hush, but she was already fifteen, she thought she could ask and get a straight answer.

“That when you crashed your dad’s car?” Interrupted Steve and Danny’s eyebrows shot up so fast that Steve knew immediately he had made a tactical error in there.

“ _You crashed grandpa’s car?”_ Grace’s face was one of utter most shock, and how Danny wished none of the stories about his other passing moments of stupidity ever made it to her. “ _How?!_ What did he say? What did _grandma_ say?”

“Geez, looks like every time you open  _ your mouth _ , Steven, more of  _ my _ misspent youth secrets spill out.” Danny noted Steve looked properly chastised, and carried on, turning to look at Grace. “Yes, honey, I crashed grandpa’s car, I was trying to teach Matty how to drive— needless to say if backfired spectacularly. So you know, when you get your driver’s license either Uncle Chin, or a nice instructor that your mum’s gonna pay for will teach you, but no getting in the car with Steve or Kono, they’ll get you fined, at the very least.” Grace’s snort of laughter drowned out Steve’s weak protest.

“So, anyway, there was this girl I liked a lot, and wanted to impress and take her on a date, but I was broke, pretty much all of my money went to pay grandpa back and then my Uncle Carmine –don’t even bother, Steven—comes to me and says her niece is doing an infomercial and needs a kitchen assistant and she’s kinda desperate about it, and what do you know, I end up there, making a fool of myself.” The frozen image of her distant cousin on TV seemed to wholeheartedly agree with him. The notion of it isn’t helped by knowing ten seconds into the tape he’ll drop a glass bowl. “You know what they don’t tell you about these things? Even without live-audience, it’s like a dozen people there and every one and their grandmothers have an opinion about what you’re doing, and the camera crew keeps shining lights into your eyes and there are cameras and screens everywhere, and the set can rotate if they need a new angle and just  _ no _ , it was awful, I could barely walk in a straight line in there.”

“Yeah, you can tell,” said Grace, biting thoughtfully into her lower lip; she hadn’t even realized what she had just said.

Steve sniggered on his other side and pressed “play”. Ten seconds into the recording, just like he remembered, he fumbled a glass bowl and got discreetly fired from the set on the spot and replaced by a camera-crew girl, he still got paid, though, not as much as the initial offer, obviously, but enough to take his date to a decent place.

“Alright, just for that, you two get to make dinner and do the dishes on your own.”

“Shoots,” said Steve, while Grace just smiled.

Twenty years ago, if someone had told him he would be watching TV with his precious daughter and goof of a boyfriend, he would’ve laughed them right out of the room. The laughter of said goofs washed over him in waves instead, as they got up and walked into the kitchen, to presumably make a mess of things. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've realised I don't really understand how AUs work.

**Author's Note:**

> [The meme was:](http://narkito.tumblr.com/post/146637658783/merthur-banter-askboxmemes-1-give-me-a)  
>  a) give me a pairing  
> b) give me an AU setting  
> c) I will write you a three-sentence fic
> 
> If you feel like leaving a prompt go into my ask box on tumblr or just drop it on a comment, I'll do my best! I'm having so much fun with this :)


End file.
